Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
