How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
