Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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