We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
