Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
