K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
