i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you had me at cake vodka
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.