life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober