I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.