He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist