An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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