So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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