One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
