I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
