His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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