You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
True strength comes from lack of pants
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
