you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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