what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
