When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
