i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
