i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
