Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
