ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Green mimosas i think yes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
