Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
