I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
