you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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