Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
