Only a mothe r could love this liver
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
