theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
