I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
