I don't remember. Are we still dating?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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