i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
