you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
