your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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