he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
