Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
