never play flip cup with pint glasses
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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