I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
