and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.