i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...