Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.