I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
