I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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