i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
