i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i think my cat just said my name.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
