the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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