if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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