I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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