if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
