: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
