Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize