I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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