U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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