the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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