You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
