So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
