Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
