So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I understand Curling. That high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
