Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
