3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
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Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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