Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
