i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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