Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
