You can't special order awesome
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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