4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This is classic penis vs brain.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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