I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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