:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
