I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
