i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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