The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want to have your abortion
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
