if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
